Things are hard to understand sometimes. Life just isn't fair. I can sit and spill about all of the emotions of sorrow and self pity I have experienced over the past few weeks but I'm not going to. The faith in God that Craig and I share eases my pain and comforts me in knowing that these times will lead to even greater times. That our life will end up perfect. That these kinds of things are out of our hands and in our Creator's hands, this is His world that we merely live in. Craig keeps telling me that the Lord will use us through this experience, I hope that I can help ease someone else's pain in the future. I am coming to the understanding that there has to be peace about this and slowly there is. It doesn't make it fair, or make it make any sense, but it makes it easier to accept. Just like the nice phelobotimist said on day 1, "Pray for it and the Lord will take care of you and give you what you want." We'll continue to pray about it and when the time is right I know we'll be blessed with a miracle all over again. For now I will savor this time with my hubby and enjoy our marriage because the Lord blessed me with a wonderful partner to do life with! He is my rock and as long as he is by my side I know I will be alright. After going through this and having to find peace within myself I also know that between Craig and our families I am loved and supported beyond belief and that I never will have to experience anything in life completely alone. It is such a a comforting thing to know.
Craig could tell you I am a person who is extremely competitive and enjoys having control over situations and outcomes, it is my type A personality trait. Knowing we were going to be parents made me nervous and feel a little bit out of control. I had always planned on being in tip top shape, just to prove to myself I could, when I became pregnant. I failed miserably the first go around BUT thankfully I have been given a second chance. It's about knowing I can commit to something for ME for an extended period of time and follow through with it. Time always seems to be at a premium right now, I feel like 24 hours in a day just aren't enough. BUT OH WELL, what can I do about that? NOTHING, but I can decide to make the most of the hours that are in a day. So I challenged myself to 12 week workout program working out at least 4x per week. I am on week 2 and going strong. It is amazing how refreshed and energized I feel after a workout, it is almost counter-intuitive I just want to follow through and in 10 weeks be able to say that I stuck to something for ME, that I made myself better. ME is important and I really want to embrace that before we we are blessed by bringing another life into the world!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Sick
Fortunately and unfortunately, the Rangers have made me more ill over the past 8 weeks, especially this past week, than anything that my sweet baby has caused me. I thank Tiny Taboggan for this but I dog-cuss the Rangers at the same time. Don't they know this kind of stress could be tough on my right now, mentally and physically. Ugh.
Like I said this has been a relativity easy 8 weeks so far. No terrible sickness to speak of, just some mild nausea at times. I have had the normal symptoms like a sensitive sniffer and headaches and extreme fatigue but nothing really to write home about. Funny/disgusting story. It was actually my sensitive sense of smell that led me to take a pregnancy test at week 3 before I had ever missed a period! August was here and that means new residents and fellows at work and I kept noticing that all I could smell was the horrible body odor smell of one of the new guys. I would ask other people if they could smell him and no one really made a big stink about it. On day 3 of smelling him constantly with an accompanying headache I just knew something was up. That is when I took my first pregnancy test of my life and it was positive. I was SHOCKED! Craig can't believe that is all that led to me thinking I was pregnant but sometimes you know something just isn't right and it just wasn't right (or fair) that all I could smell all day was this horrible smell! 5 tests and one week later we finally believed the first test!
Craig and I are eagerly awaiting our first doctor appt this Friday (8/5)!! It feels like forever ago when I took those 6 tests said +,+,+,+,PREGNANT,PREGNANT and now we finally get to hear Tiny TaBoggan's heart beat! So Exciting!! I am eager to meet my new doctor and still a little sad that I have to leave my old one. Hopefully the new one will live up to all of the wonderful recommendations and make it easier to say bye to Dr. Davis-Herr. I hope she is calming and patient and laid back like Dr. Herr, I really liked that about her. I am sure Dr. J is great, she just has big shoes to fill. Although this is very real right now, I think it will become so much more real after we see our baby and hear its heartbeat! I cant wait!
Like I said this has been a relativity easy 8 weeks so far. No terrible sickness to speak of, just some mild nausea at times. I have had the normal symptoms like a sensitive sniffer and headaches and extreme fatigue but nothing really to write home about. Funny/disgusting story. It was actually my sensitive sense of smell that led me to take a pregnancy test at week 3 before I had ever missed a period! August was here and that means new residents and fellows at work and I kept noticing that all I could smell was the horrible body odor smell of one of the new guys. I would ask other people if they could smell him and no one really made a big stink about it. On day 3 of smelling him constantly with an accompanying headache I just knew something was up. That is when I took my first pregnancy test of my life and it was positive. I was SHOCKED! Craig can't believe that is all that led to me thinking I was pregnant but sometimes you know something just isn't right and it just wasn't right (or fair) that all I could smell all day was this horrible smell! 5 tests and one week later we finally believed the first test!
Craig and I are eagerly awaiting our first doctor appt this Friday (8/5)!! It feels like forever ago when I took those 6 tests said +,+,+,+,PREGNANT,PREGNANT and now we finally get to hear Tiny TaBoggan's heart beat! So Exciting!! I am eager to meet my new doctor and still a little sad that I have to leave my old one. Hopefully the new one will live up to all of the wonderful recommendations and make it easier to say bye to Dr. Davis-Herr. I hope she is calming and patient and laid back like Dr. Herr, I really liked that about her. I am sure Dr. J is great, she just has big shoes to fill. Although this is very real right now, I think it will become so much more real after we see our baby and hear its heartbeat! I cant wait!
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